Apakah anda merasa tertolak? atau pernah?

Pernahkah kamu merasa tertolak? ditolak orangtua, ditolak suami / istri? ditolak saudara,teman, atau bahkan merasa ditolak Tuhan, atau kamu tidak menyukai diri kamu sendiri, kamu menolak diri mu sendiri.

Kamu merasa terlalu gemuk, tidak pandai bicara, tidak pernah bisa gampang bergaul, tau apa yang mau diomongkan tapi tidak bisa goyangin lidah, menyukai satu cewek ato cowok tapi ga berani ngomong, takut ke gereja, takut takut takut…….

kenapa saya bold kata merasa , karena menurut saya lebih banyak apa yang kita rasa bukanlah fakta tapi asumsi / prediksi akan sesuatu yang BELUM TENTU terjadi dan kita terlalu takut untuk mengambil resiko melihat apa yang terjadi. So you goes into this wedding, you see a lot of friends, past friends, and you think that you’re not good enough, you’re not rich enough, you’re not pretty/slim/handsome enough, and you try to avoid talking to your friends? Itu fakta atau hanya karena anda merasa? anda menjadi gelisah? dan MENGHINDARI semuanya? dan anda mulai membentuk satu pemikiran anti sosial ” aku tau mereka tidak menerima aku, so F*ck them all” PADAHAL teman teman anda tidak pernah berkata demikian, semuanya hanya karena anda takut…. takut mencoba berbicara, takut mencoba bercanda, takut kalo anda malu pada akhirnya.

The power of fear brings down a lot of us

saya merasa ada beberapa penolakan yang dapat saya kategorikan saat saya mengalaminya

1. Socially Rejected

So i was raised from a broken home family, i got no dad, got the best freakin strong mom. Waktu kecil, teman2 pasti tanya ” papamu mana?!” nah lho, jawab apa? hehe, padahal waktu itu mereka lagi digandeng sama papa mama mereka, waktu sekarang ya jelas saya jawab enteng ” papa cerai sama mama waktu aku kecil” plain and simple. WAKTU KECIL jawab apa ? “oh papa kerja luar kota””oh papa lagi pergi” “oh papa dll dll dll”

itu kalo dibuat jadi satu album bisa tuh ” oh papa…… (menyanyi sendu)” hahahah.

Aku juga pernah gemuk banget, while people got the chance to say ” hoi, gendut lu” hahahhah, #things that i felt funny when i hear it, aint funny when the jokes was on me. 

Beberapa tahun lalu sempat keluarga mengalami masalah keuangan ” hoi, bangkrut lu bos?” hahaha, ” oh , engga…..”

u know all that stuff, when you try to hide, cause you know deep down, u want to be accepted socially.

But when you think of it, when you try to be honest ” iya aku gemuk, aku lagi diet” “iya aku ga ganteng bos ” “iya keluarga sempet ada masalah keuangan,aku lagi pemulihan nih” “iya aku ga ada mobil, jalan kemana2 naik bus taxi motor” then you will see FRIENDS 

you know, this is my theory

” the more honest you are, the more you know who your friends are”

tapi ya tentulah semua itu kudu dibarengin sama sikap pintar juga, honestly smart lah,hehe

2. Spiritually Rejected

I am a christian, so this topic would be discussed in a christian case. I was in my 7th grade ( SMP 1 bos!) when i intensively thought about my religion ( not spirituality) kenapa aku bedakan agama dan spiritualitas ? because i thought that if i do this and if i dont do that, then GOD will love me (thats religion! walau orang bilang Tuhan mencintai kita apa adanya ) aku masih mikir kalo Tuhan sudah mati buat kita, kita harus BAYAR!!! sampe lunas kalo bisa, engga mati di kayu salib, tapi tertuduh kayak yang ngebuat kayu salibnya

“So you got someone who give you this key to a beatifful FERRARI, and when he gives the key to you he gives you this message ” jadi gini, ini mobil ferrari buat kamu, sleek design , modern style, buat kamu FREE,pake aja, tapi jangan lupa,kalo ada apa2 kamu harus bayar, kamu harus ganti ke aku, kamu harus ini, kamu harus itu…..”

The ferrari is free, but it aint free and burdening, i wonder if that is one of the reason  why some people never want to be a christian, or some christians felt so burdening that they dont want to come at the church anymore.

But it WAS, now…setelah begitu banyak proses perjalanan dan begitu banyak masukan dari http://www.revolutionnyc.com church, ceritanya jadi gini

“So you got someone who give you this key to a beatifful FERRARI, and when he gives the key to you he gives you this message ” jadi gini, ini mobil ferrari buat kamu, sleek design , modern style, buat kamu free,pake aja, tapi jangan lupa,kalo pake hati2 ya yang pinter,jangan ngebut,kamu yang ngendarai, kalo ada apa2 kan kamu luka, aku ga mau kamu luka,but i want you to enjoy it, embrace it, live a full ferrari life. I LOVE YOU” 

so i dont get to pay anything “NO” ,

why do i deserve this , tell me something logic behind why i deserve this ferrari ? “well, i just gave it to you without strings attached, just love baby”

I know now that that is something called “GRACE” something that you are given, and you dont have to do anything to pay for it. WHY ? cause you just cant!

You cant pay grace or salvation

people said ” if you want to go to heaven, you got to do this that this that” kayak hukum taurat bukan lagi jadi 10 tapi 506.789 hukum taurat banyaknya,

There is no relationship in religion,there is in spirituality

I will talk a lot more about it, but thats my two cents. After i know what people so called GRACE and experienced it, the relationship become so easy light open, then i felt accepted, but im still in the journey, so i hope i could talk more about it in the next future.

3. SELF rejected

well well well, this one is super tough, cause i dont have any studycase to discuss.I dont accept myself sometime, i accept it most of the time.

=========================================

“duh Tuhan, ini jeans kok panjang banget, cuttingnya pas,tapi kok aku selalu permak kalo beli jeans, ga pernah bisa langsung pas, Tuhan, kenapa kok aku ga punya tinggi 180 gitu kek?!

“aku ga pandai bicara, aku sulit dapet cewek, aku bakal jadi jomblo terus”

“aku ga pintar, orangtuaku mau aku pintar,aku ditolak orangtuaku,aku kok ga pintar si”

“metabolisme badanku pelan,aku sudah diet tapi aku ga kurus2, aku sedih”

“Tuhan, mereka terlalu cantik…..kenapa aku ga kamu ciptakan cantik”

“aku sulit membaca…aku dislexia….aku dketawain temenku terus”

“anggota badanku cacat…..Tuhan…..cuma mamaku yang nerima aku…..aku benci badanku”

========================================================

aku…aku….aku….. menarik sekali kata AKU ini.

aku selalu merasa pikiran kita terbentuk karena kebiasaan di satu situasi dan kita tidak bisa/mau keluar kecuali kita dibiasakan untuk berpikir yang lain sehingga kita tidak berpikir seperti dulu lagi ( wutz, divine words young grasshopper)

how about this, you try spend some time to take care of the other and you’ll see how God have taken care of you, stop comparing, STOP, just STOP. if anyone compares you with others then i say ” F*ck ’em” sorry to be so rude, but even the twins dont have the same life, even the joint twins dont have the same attitude, life just so freakin special so “f*ck em” 

but i want you to know this, life has so many chances, dont be afraid to embrace it, fear has great power to bring you down, so play with fear- take action, try try try try and be smart on your life.

orang yang berani pasti merasa takut, bedanya mereka take action, penakutlah yang tidak take action.

So how how?! i was rambling, it sure has a lot of typo and it may hurt some feeling, so tell me what you think of it.

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